✿Kityu's dairy✿
Was thinking about a lot of things yesterday
Everything happened so suddenly!
Well, old people are like that
illness are all over them but I never expect that my dad would be like that
He was awake but he couldn't move his body, it happened outside and luckily a guy called my mum
We rushed down and ambulance came
I though at first that it could highly possible be stroke but the doctor said that it's lungs infection
I was really wondering if it's something to do with lungs, why couldn't he move his body and my mum don't know how to ask the doctor
I was not around because she wanted me to go home and I'm with school's PE T-shirt and shorts when I went to TTS hospital
Had to travel with that clothing home from novena
Feel that my dad is really old now, how long had it been since I look clearly at him?
How long had it been since I last care about him?
How long had it been since I talk to him nicely?
Yesterday was his Birthday and this happen to him
I cried out in the hospital, I told my sister that I failed as a daughter
He is my dad yet I treated him like fuck
He dote on me the most among his 3 daughters and this is what he got back from me
When he's old I find him troublesome, find him irritating but had I really though of how good he treated me
Because he's old, the distance between us grew bigger and we tend to talk lesser
I'm someone who I wouldn't show my care out but in fact deep inside I do care a lot
Just that I didn't know how to express it out
I'm sorry, dad
I shouldn't have feel that way towards you or treat you like this
I know everyone is going to die one fine day and most likely parents will pass away before us
I know so do my dad, so for the last few years I gonna be a better daughter
Just like how you are a good father to me in the past
Finally understand how much my parents meant to me at last
Perhaps it's time to treasure before it's gone
After all he's still my dad and I'm still his daughter
I will try my very best to be a better daughter, trust myself that I can do it
Chinese New Year is coming in about 2 weeks time and the best part is, I hadn't got my clothing ready :)
Ahh, really had no time to spare to go shopping!
A few days back, went to have a little catch up session with Leecheng, Bh and Ht
The weather was really cold at that time, sitting at the outdoor is so freezing cold
Sat there for like 3 hours and after that went home
Student pass gonna expire end of this month, have to use adult card after that
It's like double of student fee, expense certainly will increase
After Jan, will be working half day on every saturday
At least I got to rest on every Sunday, if it's truth
As for the time being, every Sunday I'm also working another job
Life without any off day is really tired and boring
But this will only carry on for about another week or so
.
.
.
.
Heard this speech and I found it very meaningful
When we were 5 years old, teachers asked us what we will be when we grow up
Our answers were like, prince and princess
When we were 10 years old, our teachers asked us again what we will be when we grow up
Our answers were like doctor, rock star and actor
When we grow older, they want a serious answer
The answer goes like this, who the hell knows
This isn't the time to make choices but the time to make mistakes
To get wrong somewhere so that we will learn
So when it's time, we wouldn't have to guess because we'll know!
Feel so tired!
Well today wasn't any good day for me, i cried for about 3 hours while working
Could really feel the pain in my eyes right now
I don't have a sister who uses hot water to splash at her own sister
It's ok, I had never call her sis in my life, Not now, not even in my life
Maybe it's the things that I did in my past life therefore having this type of sister this life to pay for the debts
Cried till my voice changed, when I called amber she could hear the different in my voice
Anyway, I'm only a toy to let them let their anger out
Father is like this so is her
Why? Is it because I'm the youngest or is it because I didn't say anything when they are letting their anger out on me?
So what if you are the one who intro me this job?
I'm just the fucking person who use my freaking time and my freaking hands to earn the money
You just don't own the rights to say anything on me because you are so dam worst than me
So this is my density uh?
I'm so tired! Really tired
I will just have to bear with it for 3 more months and after that I'm going to quit
Continue to pursue my studies
Just that will have to save really hard for this 3 months to pay for my poly school fees
Yes, I'm paying my own not depending on my mum
I know that she can't afford it anyway, poly school fee gonna be heavy burden for me
My eldest sister paid her own fees too, I believe I can do it too, I have to do it
Just try to spend wisely for this few months
Feel so much better after telling my problems to some friends and after blogging here
I just need to see my little sweetie pie Kingsleys and will be fine
Perhaps to others I may look strong but deep inside I'm not
Not as strong as I seem to be, not as strong as I used to be
Just 3 more months and I will be counting every day to get out
Would rather be studying than having to handle all this shit
I'm just don't fucking own anyone, bear this in mind!
Yesterday was the release of GCE O level result and I got back my result too
Never did I expect that this would be my result, I was shocked
While sitting in the hall waiting for the results, mdm Rozita told me that I would cry for sure when I see my result
Thinking that my results would be bad and told her not to scare me
Her reply: My job here is to scare you
I was like WTF!
Listening to Mrs Tay talking about the average score that the school got
The 5NA did very well, above nation average
Finally the release of result and I'm number 2
Mr Tay was dam idiot that he didn't want to give me my result slip
I cried! Mdm Rozita was stand beside me
She told me that all my hardwork had been paid off
All the scolding, tears and sweat are worth it
After which, Mdm Erni came over to ask me how's my result and hugged me
Tears of joy
I got a total of 19 points for my 5 subjects
2 B3, 2 B4, 1 C5 and 1 D7 (science)
I finally know that all the tears and hard work are worth it
Still remember that I cried when I did badly for my prelims
Seriously, I'm dam happy and I know that Poly is not a easy path
But I'm gonna work hard on it :)
Xiao mo and Ah mo
Leecheng heating up her eggs
Having my high tea at night time!
Off to sleep
Day 2
Went down to KL to shop but it's raining plus alot of haze therefore couldn't go down
Ate our breakfast and realize that the haze is gone
Quickly went down to KL for our shopping
Just look at the haze! Super cold
In the cable car
Brought some things but leecheng and her sis brought even more
Day 3
Marks the end of the trip (so fast)
Enjoyed myself for the past 2 days :)
Gonna go there again with friends
Just before we leave
First of all, I wish everyone a happy new year!
But at the start of new year, it's not a happy one for me
Somethings happen and make me feel really unhappy
Things that I would forever remember in my life, so this is a family?
It shouldn't be like this, shouldn't a family be a happy one but why isn't mine like this?
I'm not asking for much, just a normal family and it will be enough
It's not that I hope to be born with a golden spoon in my mouth or born in a rich family so that I have billions to spend
But I know happy family is not going to appear in my dictionary anymore
Perhaps in my next life?
Well, some time things are really difficult to express into words because words are not enough to get into the point and words are too cheap
Today after my work, I really don't feel like going home because I'm starting to be afraid
The fear I had, could not longer be overcome
Too much for me to handle, resulting in the out-break of my emotion
I understand that there are problems in every family and I'm only a kid therefore I have no stand
But the things that are happening are seriously making me sick
I began to feel so 'used' of being scold when it's not my fault, when there's no reason behind it
All I could do is just to keep quiet, listen to it or just listen to the loudest music I can find
I guess it's time for me to go on a holiday, to let go of everything and enjoy the life
Anyway it's still a long way for me
Got to work tomorrow, after that have to go meet meimei and clique
Work for 2 days and off to Genting :)
A break for me like a finally!
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25/1/11
Tuesday, January 25, 2011|0 note(s)
Just a shot wordy post here
When to visit my dad today after work
He was sleeping and I didn't want to wake him up so I was sitting there doing nothing
The nurse told me that he didn't want to eat his meal so when he wake up I called him to eat and feed him
Half-way while feeding, I suddenly cried but I manged to keep my tears in my eyes not letting it to come out
I saw my dad crying too
Is it because he's too touch?
We chatted for a while and I left
Couldn't help but when I left the ward, I was crying
Tomorrow will be the JAE posting result date
Woo!
24/1/11
Monday, January 24, 2011|0 note(s)
Was thinking about a lot of things yesterdayEverything happened so suddenly!
Well, old people are like that
illness are all over them but I never expect that my dad would be like that
He was awake but he couldn't move his body, it happened outside and luckily a guy called my mum
We rushed down and ambulance came
I though at first that it could highly possible be stroke but the doctor said that it's lungs infection
I was really wondering if it's something to do with lungs, why couldn't he move his body and my mum don't know how to ask the doctor
I was not around because she wanted me to go home and I'm with school's PE T-shirt and shorts when I went to TTS hospital
Had to travel with that clothing home from novena
Feel that my dad is really old now, how long had it been since I look clearly at him?
How long had it been since I last care about him?
How long had it been since I talk to him nicely?
Yesterday was his Birthday and this happen to him
I cried out in the hospital, I told my sister that I failed as a daughter
He is my dad yet I treated him like fuck
He dote on me the most among his 3 daughters and this is what he got back from me
When he's old I find him troublesome, find him irritating but had I really though of how good he treated me
Because he's old, the distance between us grew bigger and we tend to talk lesser
I'm someone who I wouldn't show my care out but in fact deep inside I do care a lot
Just that I didn't know how to express it out
I'm sorry, dad
I shouldn't have feel that way towards you or treat you like this
I know everyone is going to die one fine day and most likely parents will pass away before us
I know so do my dad, so for the last few years I gonna be a better daughter
Just like how you are a good father to me in the past
Finally understand how much my parents meant to me at last
Perhaps it's time to treasure before it's gone
After all he's still my dad and I'm still his daughter
I will try my very best to be a better daughter, trust myself that I can do it
21/1/11
Friday, January 21, 2011|0 note(s)
Am I stupid to choose RP?
Had been dwelling over this question
Well, am I wrong to choose the things that I like?
I want to study event management and not others
I don't think it's the school that matters but the result instead
Forever and ever the decision I made on my education people will say that I'm stupid
I choose to repeat my N level 2 years ago, people said that I'm stupid
But I prove them wrong by passing my N level on the second year
And now I got a 'not bad' results for my O level
I had never regretted repeating because at least I mange to get into a poly
I'm very sure and confirm that I wouldn't regret choosing RP instead of other Poly!
Had been dwelling over this question
Well, am I wrong to choose the things that I like?
I want to study event management and not others
I don't think it's the school that matters but the result instead
Forever and ever the decision I made on my education people will say that I'm stupid
I choose to repeat my N level 2 years ago, people said that I'm stupid
But I prove them wrong by passing my N level on the second year
And now I got a 'not bad' results for my O level
I had never regretted repeating because at least I mange to get into a poly
I'm very sure and confirm that I wouldn't regret choosing RP instead of other Poly!
19/1/11
Wednesday, January 19, 2011|0 note(s)
Chinese New Year is coming in about 2 weeks time and the best part is, I hadn't got my clothing ready :)Ahh, really had no time to spare to go shopping!
A few days back, went to have a little catch up session with Leecheng, Bh and Ht
The weather was really cold at that time, sitting at the outdoor is so freezing cold
Sat there for like 3 hours and after that went home
Student pass gonna expire end of this month, have to use adult card after that
It's like double of student fee, expense certainly will increase
After Jan, will be working half day on every saturday
At least I got to rest on every Sunday, if it's truth
As for the time being, every Sunday I'm also working another job
Life without any off day is really tired and boring
But this will only carry on for about another week or so
.
.
.
.
Heard this speech and I found it very meaningful
When we were 5 years old, teachers asked us what we will be when we grow up
Our answers were like, prince and princess
When we were 10 years old, our teachers asked us again what we will be when we grow up
Our answers were like doctor, rock star and actor
When we grow older, they want a serious answer
The answer goes like this, who the hell knows
This isn't the time to make choices but the time to make mistakes
To get wrong somewhere so that we will learn
So when it's time, we wouldn't have to guess because we'll know!
15/1/11
Saturday, January 15, 2011|0 note(s)
Feel so tired!
Well today wasn't any good day for me, i cried for about 3 hours while working
Could really feel the pain in my eyes right now
I don't have a sister who uses hot water to splash at her own sister
It's ok, I had never call her sis in my life, Not now, not even in my life
Maybe it's the things that I did in my past life therefore having this type of sister this life to pay for the debts
Cried till my voice changed, when I called amber she could hear the different in my voice
Anyway, I'm only a toy to let them let their anger out
Father is like this so is her
Why? Is it because I'm the youngest or is it because I didn't say anything when they are letting their anger out on me?
So what if you are the one who intro me this job?
I'm just the fucking person who use my freaking time and my freaking hands to earn the money
You just don't own the rights to say anything on me because you are so dam worst than me
So this is my density uh?
I'm so tired! Really tired
I will just have to bear with it for 3 more months and after that I'm going to quit
Continue to pursue my studies
Just that will have to save really hard for this 3 months to pay for my poly school fees
Yes, I'm paying my own not depending on my mum
I know that she can't afford it anyway, poly school fee gonna be heavy burden for me
My eldest sister paid her own fees too, I believe I can do it too, I have to do it
Just try to spend wisely for this few months
Feel so much better after telling my problems to some friends and after blogging here
I just need to see my little sweetie pie Kingsleys and will be fine
Perhaps to others I may look strong but deep inside I'm not
Not as strong as I seem to be, not as strong as I used to be
Just 3 more months and I will be counting every day to get out
Would rather be studying than having to handle all this shit
I'm just don't fucking own anyone, bear this in mind!
13/1/11
Thursday, January 13, 2011|0 note(s)
I'm sick!
Feel so cold
I have already submitted my 12 choices hopefully would be able to get into my 1st choice
Event management
Feel so cold
I have already submitted my 12 choices hopefully would be able to get into my 1st choice
Event management
11/1/11
Tuesday, January 11, 2011|0 note(s)
Yesterday was the release of GCE O level result and I got back my result tooNever did I expect that this would be my result, I was shocked
While sitting in the hall waiting for the results, mdm Rozita told me that I would cry for sure when I see my result
Thinking that my results would be bad and told her not to scare me
Her reply: My job here is to scare you
I was like WTF!
Listening to Mrs Tay talking about the average score that the school got
The 5NA did very well, above nation average
Finally the release of result and I'm number 2
Mr Tay was dam idiot that he didn't want to give me my result slip
I cried! Mdm Rozita was stand beside me
She told me that all my hardwork had been paid off
All the scolding, tears and sweat are worth it
After which, Mdm Erni came over to ask me how's my result and hugged me
Tears of joy
I got a total of 19 points for my 5 subjects
2 B3, 2 B4, 1 C5 and 1 D7 (science)
I finally know that all the tears and hard work are worth it
Still remember that I cried when I did badly for my prelims
Seriously, I'm dam happy and I know that Poly is not a easy path
But I'm gonna work hard on it :)
9/01/11
Sunday, January 9, 2011|0 note(s)
Here to update on the genting trip but not much photo as we don't really had time for photo taking
7am we left to Genting and we reach there at about 2.30pm
Check in our rooms and realize that our rooms were the last one and the one near the corner
Leecheng was ... because the last room was her's (King size bed)
Well, our rooms were connected though
Running about between the two rooms was seriously fun
Genting was really boring but I love the wind, the weather and the haze
It was really cold there, when the wind blow towards you, you could feel the chili
First time while talking, there's haze coming out from my mouth
I was like totally LOL because I never thought Genting would be so cold
Actually, I didn't want to bring my jacket there at first
Luckily I brought it with me in the end
It's quite boring over there as there's nothing to shop
We don't play the theme park too
2 days over there had been raining and it's even more cold
Day 1
7am we left to Genting and we reach there at about 2.30pm
Check in our rooms and realize that our rooms were the last one and the one near the corner
Leecheng was ... because the last room was her's (King size bed)
Well, our rooms were connected though
Running about between the two rooms was seriously fun
Genting was really boring but I love the wind, the weather and the haze
It was really cold there, when the wind blow towards you, you could feel the chili
First time while talking, there's haze coming out from my mouth
I was like totally LOL because I never thought Genting would be so cold
Actually, I didn't want to bring my jacket there at first
Luckily I brought it with me in the end
It's quite boring over there as there's nothing to shop
We don't play the theme park too
2 days over there had been raining and it's even more cold
Day 1
Xiao mo and Ah mo
Leecheng heating up her eggs
Having my high tea at night time!
Off to sleep
Day 2
Went down to KL to shop but it's raining plus alot of haze therefore couldn't go down
Ate our breakfast and realize that the haze is gone
Quickly went down to KL for our shopping
Just look at the haze! Super cold
In the cable car
Brought some things but leecheng and her sis brought even more
Day 3
Marks the end of the trip (so fast)
Enjoyed myself for the past 2 days :)
Gonna go there again with friends
Just before we leave
4/1/11
Tuesday, January 4, 2011|0 note(s)
Off to Genting!!!
In less than 12 hours, I'm going to genting but the thing is ...
I hadn't pack my stuff
Got to pack my things later and sleep early
I guess I will have to wake up early tomorrow as I'm sitting the 7am coach
The sad thing is, I will miss 3 ep of break out which is the last few ep
Oh man!
I don't want to miss the show :(
In less than 12 hours, I'm going to genting but the thing is ...
I hadn't pack my stuff
Got to pack my things later and sleep early
I guess I will have to wake up early tomorrow as I'm sitting the 7am coach
The sad thing is, I will miss 3 ep of break out which is the last few ep
Oh man!
I don't want to miss the show :(
2/1/11
Sunday, January 2, 2011|0 note(s)
First of all, I wish everyone a happy new year!
But at the start of new year, it's not a happy one for me
Somethings happen and make me feel really unhappy
Things that I would forever remember in my life, so this is a family?
It shouldn't be like this, shouldn't a family be a happy one but why isn't mine like this?
I'm not asking for much, just a normal family and it will be enough
It's not that I hope to be born with a golden spoon in my mouth or born in a rich family so that I have billions to spend
But I know happy family is not going to appear in my dictionary anymore
Perhaps in my next life?
Well, some time things are really difficult to express into words because words are not enough to get into the point and words are too cheap
Today after my work, I really don't feel like going home because I'm starting to be afraid
The fear I had, could not longer be overcome
Too much for me to handle, resulting in the out-break of my emotion
I understand that there are problems in every family and I'm only a kid therefore I have no stand
But the things that are happening are seriously making me sick
I began to feel so 'used' of being scold when it's not my fault, when there's no reason behind it
All I could do is just to keep quiet, listen to it or just listen to the loudest music I can find
I guess it's time for me to go on a holiday, to let go of everything and enjoy the life
Anyway it's still a long way for me
Got to work tomorrow, after that have to go meet meimei and clique
Work for 2 days and off to Genting :)
A break for me like a finally!